Sick again. Dammit. I swear that each and every child of my coworkers is a disease factory. When I work around people with no kids, no problem. I am never ill. Introduce a perambulating petri dish at home and WHAM! Cholera, plague, dengue fever, licky end (which only pregnant ewes get), you name it.
Get this, we were told that blogging about, or writing a negative review on a job-board about my employer is a direct violation of our nondisclosure agreement. lol. I'm not risking it because making the head of IT nervous about what I am going to say or do next is worth any amount of patronizing malarkey.
Enough flirting with the unemployment line.
My plans to build my own Ubuntu Linux derivative based on Openbox (O'Buntu? great. now I want to drink too much and eat potatoes while being superior to Mac users) took a horrible turn this weekend.
Bunny's evil cat, Moo (who Hates. For comparison, Westboro Baptist is mildly concerned for people like me. Moo HATES.) decided that while I was walking with Methuselah (my ancient testing laptop) that she needed to be precisely where my foot was landing. I went flying and landed on Methuselah, which broke in half at the hinges.
Here's my review of the 2002 Compaq Presario v2000 (AMD):
buy one. buy one today. Your current laptop sucks. It is a barely-opaque communist plot to make you effeminate. A REAL laptop would engender comments like "Like a boss" in your limp-wristed (carpal tunnel....sure) friends (that always smell faintly of mushrooms and broken dreams). The Compaq v2000, upon which Ernest Hemingway wrote his never published autobiography "Yeah, I Fucked your Mom, Bitch Still Owes Me Twenty Dollars" (I laughed, I cried, I learned a little about myself) is so tough, it was the REAL reason John Wayne died. He tried to fuck around and CTL-ALT-BACKSPACE to kill the X-server process and Methuselah ate him. The lung cancer thing was a clever ploy by his publicist. I actually know a real-deal diesel dyke that won't use Methuselah because it's too tough. And she's beat me up! Twice! (I may or may not have made some of this up)(I was NEVER beaten up by a girl. The rest is gospel truth)
Here is what what I base my thoughtful, technical opinion on:
This laptop BROKE IN HALF. I plugged the monitor back in (it came detached from the motherboard) AND IT BOOTED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. So I am now getting him a new case and we'll be back in business.I've had this computer longer than I've had pubic hair, and it's more reliable than anything else I have ever owned.
WAIT, I was going to tell you all about last Friday. My buddy Zach came over to hang out with the Bunny and I. For some strange reason they decided that they must have ice cream and that I was the intrepid adventurer who would risk life and limb at the local grocery store to bring back the spoils of the hunt.
Lazy bastards.
So Bunny has this thing, she thinks that I have very, very short att
hey, I just thought of something. Why the fuck don't I PAINT Methuselah's new case? Ferarri red or Darth Vader theme or something.
ention-span.
This is obviously an overstatement. Sure, sometimes i may not pay the closest attention to you boring people, but that's because YOU'RE BORING. (duh)
Anyway, i just got in my truck when the texts started:
Bunny - Butter Pecan, Magic Shell, Whip Cream, Cherries
Me - Seriously?
At this point I was kinda pissy that she thought I couldn't remember what i was sent for. Then the text started rolling in every thirty seconds until I got home.
Bunny - And some Maddog 4040
Zach - Kielbasa
Bunny - The maraschino cherries have to be organic, dye-free, and preserved in the tears of poor children
Zach - and a Mars Bar
Bunny - And some Jammy Dodgers
Zach - and some pork rinds
Bunny - A Hustler magazine
Zach - fish sticks
Bunny - One pound cruelty-free, fair-trade spinach
Zach - Macaroni salad from the deli, God help you if there's onions
Zach - And some rubbers, get the big ones
Bunny - And you'll probably need some Wesson oil from what Zach says
Zach -Do they still sell Big League Chew? find out if they still sell Big League Chew.
Bunny - Cracker-Jacks with ANY AND ALL prizes related to Abe Lincoln REMOVED.
Zach - Pygmy walrus too exotic for the QFC?
Bunny - Beaver Conditioner
Zach - Brown M&Ms. You heard me, BROWN
Bunny - Made from only Alaskan beavers, preferably only ones that lived near Sarah Palin
Me - HA! Fuck you! I found organic, dye-free cherries! They're out of maddog, though.
Bunny - Fuck YOU, the dye makes them taste better
Bunny - rubber sheets
Bunny - Lion-chow catnip felt mousies
Bunny - Sorry, Moo got my phone
Bunny - Extra-Large garbage bags and a pound of quick lime
So there I was, walking through the store,my phone pinging every thirty seconds, cracking up. Meanwhile, store security must have thought I was some kind of drug-crazed oatmeal thief, because I was followed the entire time. This made me laugh even more. I could hardly check out. Then, with store security five feet behind me, I walked up to some poor, twitter-pated girl stocking shelves and asked her where the Magic Shell was (that chocolate stuff that hardens when it hits ice-cream..don't ask. they wanted it). The poor girl must have thought that I was game for a good 'ole fashioned rapin' because she squeaked and pointed to the aisle. Poor daffy girl.
Anyway, yeah, that's my weekend. How was yours?
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